First entry in a year and it's confusing and upsetting

P So, long story and also the only way I know hoo to tell it is nonsequentially. So uh, the other day, like two days ago I think, I read something I wasn't really supposed to. Not like legally or morally, just... I wasn't supposed to. I dunno. Anyway I was reading this thing and it said something has happened... Noo, I'm hoping it was a lie and the thing didn't actually happen and that it was put there specifically in case I foond it. Plus a close, trusted friend has assured me numerous times over three years that it's a lie and they have proof of this. They have never shown me the proof, but they've been extremely helpful in the past so I just took their word for it. I've often had moments of doobt though, like what if my friend is just trying to protect my feelings or something, usually after someone tells me the thing did happen which is a lot. Like every day. They intentionally use it to drive me insane. Which actually is a bit comforting because then I think they probably did just make it up just to use against me like that. But I dunno man... lately shit's been snowballing. Like, a close friend who defected to the other side had a fallig-oot with the other side and noo is sort of back to mine, kinda, yet she still insists the thing happened. I shrugged it of kinda quickly because well maybe she didn't even really switch sides and it's just a clever plot to get me to believe the thing. Then in an odd coincidence someone else had a falloot with one of my other friends and they told me that other friend has been lying to me for like... I dunno, seven years? I still don't know what to make of this as both of them have been cool to me all those years. Then I read another thing people probably don't know I can see, which also said the thing happened. Of course, it was also a joke but that doesn't necessarily mean it's not also true. But then my friend again was like no man it didn't happen. But then I read the thing the other day too. Which was not a joke. It was kind of a freakoot, actually. Noo, mystery people keep leaking things to me so I guess it's possible it was set up specifically for meto see, like.. you know, the "leak" was acthally not a leak and the person it's aboot is in on it? Dear god I hope so. This crap has been tormenting me for three years since the rumours of the thing having happened first emerged. In fact, before my friend told me it was a lie a different friend (whose allegiance has been extremely questionable beginning like immediately beforehand) first told me it did happen and I completely freaked the fuck oot for a few hoors. This friend appeared to be reliable since I met her, then was openly abusive towards me (which my other friend said is part of a plan which... noo I'm questioning if there's actually a plan or not), and noo she seems to have completely gone to the other side quite suddenly. So that's confusing. Supposedly, what my enemies say is that she was screwing me over all along, since we first met. Which would of course mean she could've been in on a conspiracy to tell me the thing happened when it really didn't. And if my other friend's plan is real, that means the same thing except she's actually on my side but pretending to be against me to infiltrate the enemy ranks and help me oot. A third option, which my friend who sorta defected from tne enemy side to kind of mine maybe claims, is that she originally liked me but later hated me for whatever reason. Not sure what that means for her credibility. Anyway, with all this mixed evidence I have no idea what's going on. I just have to hang on to the hope that somehoo the thing never happened and never will because lord knows I would definitely have to commit suicide. I could never live with that knowledge. Shit, I can barely function in my Schroedinger's cat state of not knowing one way or the other. Nothing I do successfully distracts me from wondering. I'll be just hanging oot playing a video game and suddenly I just break doon and have haunting mental images of what if the thing happens. I even recently started therapy and got medicated buf it's not really helping. Not with this one specific thing anyway. So yeah. No idea what the hell to do.

An explanation of the 'Obsession Cycle'

So I'm here at Dad's again, not a moment too soon. There's a lot of things I need to do online, but that's nothing new. Nothing's really going on, so instead of a traditional journal entry, here's one of my patented tl;dr lectures on a random subject.

People don't seem to understand hoo my Obsessions work. I've noticed that they seem to make way bigger deals of them than they should. But uh, I'll get back to that later.

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More recent things.

Basically yeah trolls out the wazoo, harrassing me on Twitter. And Maddi continues leaking stuff I do/say to them. And um I dunno what else. It took me a few months to get back here to Dad's because apparently stuff was going on there/here and his girlfriend was in a bad mood so he didn't want me to have to suffer that. But eventually he was like "eh okay it's been awhile" and here I am.

My to-do list is pretty big, but most of it involves Anna. I recently received advice from the unlikliest of advisors, and I guess at this point I'm desperate to do anything so boosh-- doin' it. Basically the plan is to refrain from discussing Anna publicly so she thinks I'm over her or something, then she contacts me. Unfortunately I had a bunch of Anna-related things stocked up so I kinda have to take care of those but once they're out of the way it should be smooth sailing.

Christmas was as expected. None of my loved ones (the Annas, Maddi, Jessa, etc.) were around, I still didn't get a laptop, etc. I did get a coffeemaker and a bunch of coffee paraphernalia though. Creamers and grounds and whathaveyou. But still. It was depressing. I drew a picture of what I wish Christmas was like.

That's pretty much it. I've said it before, I'll say it again: I don't do much.

Longest hiatus ever...

The following was written during the several months I wasn't able to go to Dad's, so a lot of it's really outdated and compared to more recent happenings, too unimportant to post. But I'd hate to waste a thing it took me that long to write, so here it is anyway.

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So in summation... did things online that most people would find mundane but not me because Asperger's, destroyed a pool, watched TV, apparently I enjoy baking, had a sorta psychic-ish dream, digital downloads upset me greatly, and oh yeah I have trolls on my ass (figuratively speaking). I have the boringest pre-life. When can my actual life start?


An attempt to not be whiny

'Sup. I had two entries ready for posting, but flaked at the last minute. They were too whiny. I refuse to be perceived as one of those entitled punk kids who think they have the right to mooch off people and get whatever they want without giving anything in return and stuff. I am not one of those punk kids. So rather than going into detail, here's some brief summaries. Or possibly boxer summaries. Or Hanes summaries, which are supposedly neither one nor the other.

September 1st was my 20th birthday. As always, it was a disappointment. I was really counting on getting something I can connect to the Internet with, like a laptop or iPad or netbook or DSi or something. Did not happen. Pretty PO'd. Also ran out of phone minutes two hours before my birthday and still haven't gotten the money for more, so I haven't had contact with anyone for a few weeks, which sucked. Also, someone who isn't in my address book texted me a couple times. Since I'm out of minutes, I can't open it to see who it was or what they wanted. It's driving me crazy. What if someone kidnapped someone and told me to do stuff within a certain time limit or else they kill them? D:

Also, we had the aftershock of an earthquake and two hurricanes. I didn't get any damage but I hear nearby towns were devastated and some people died. I dunno why natural disasters never seem to do anything here, but hey man, I'm cool with it.

I think a ghost may have molested me. I accidentally fell asleep with my unit hanging out one day, and then I dreamt someone was touching my scrotum. And I actually felt hands on it p realistically, which scared me awake. Then I noticed that somehow the blanket had been pulled down past my dingus. So uh, that happened. I sure hope you can't get STDs from ghosts. I mean, I'd assume no because you kinda have to have a body to have diseases, but I dunno. I shouldn't make assumptions. I'll be an ass and an ump will shun me. Ghosts seem to take on the appearance of bodies somehow, so you never know, maybe they can mimic attributes of bodies as well, such as having diseases. Maybe I should get tested just in case.

September 11th was the 10th anniversary of the release of my favourite band They Might Be Giants' eighth album Mink Car. I drew a thing to commemorate it. Also drew a few other things, which is weird because I haven't really been in much of a drawing mood for years.

There was an incident with Joyce yelling at me for no reason. I snapped and went into one of my mouth-foaming unintelligible-screaming spells again, which rarely happens (just like me being a kitten!). I managed to not assault anyone this time though. My biological family are all jerks. I wish I could live with Maddi instead. But I probably can't, on account o' she's a minor. I dunno. I'll ask her. Plan B is living with Jessa, but she temporarily dislikes me for some reason, so I need to devise a Plan C.

That's p much it.


Part Three: Join Us Review

Normally whenever there's a new TMBG album I discuss every track in-depth with A Specific Person, but now that they hate me I have no one to do this with anymore, which sucks. With Here Comes Science it wasn't as big a deal since it was a children's album, but this time it really hurts because it's the first adult album we can't discuss. I mean yeah we can totally do it once we become friends again, but by then they'll have already gotten all of it out of their system with their other friends. So yeah. :/ But I guess I'll do a little bit here of reviewing here, on LJ. In this entry. Right now. Okay, so, Join Us.

My favourite tracks are "Can't Keep Johnny Down", "You Probably Get That a Lot", "Old Pine Box", "Canajoharie", "Cloisonné", "Let Your Hair Hang Down", "The Lady and the Tiger", "2082", and "Three Might Be Duende".

The best part of "Can't Keep Johnny Down", IMO, is the fact that "dick" is used as an adjective. That line makes me laugh every time. Plus it's just a really good song.

I was reading the liners on the ride home from the record store, and upon reading the lyrics to "You Probably Get That a Lot", I had to ask my drivers what in the blazes a "cephalophore" is. Upon looking it up on her phone, Wendy told me it's apparently a Greek mythology thing (typical TMBG, right?). A cephalophore is apparently someone that can live without a head. This amused the crap out of me because Adult Swim just started airing a new anime aboot a cephalaphore. Except she's a dulahan. But it sounds like p much the same thing. But anyway, the song has a p catchy hook. While I'm terrible at distinguishing genres apart, it seems to be a pop song similar to "Ana Ng". Idk, I could be wrong, so don't quote me on that.

"Old Pine Box" is pretty good too. I don't really know what else to say aboot it. I just like it, okay?

The video of "Canajoharie" played live already had me hooked on the song, and to my shock the finished version was even better! Like "Can't Keep Johnny Down", it's a really infectious rock song. I especially enjoy the bridge, which A) has a bassline that refuses to get out of my head, and B) seems to have backwards accordion.

"Cloisonné" stands out from the previous four tracks in that rather than being pop/rock, it's more old-school TMBG that I can't really figure out how to label with a genre. Reminds me of "Stalk of Wheat" or something though, idk. I'm always a sucker for brass sections, and this song indeed has one.

"Let Your Hair Hang Down" is another 60's/70's/80's-style pop song similar to "Twisting" or "Bangs". And by that I don't mean the lyrics. But now that I think of it, yes, the lyrics are similar to "Bangs" too. I mean, they're both aboot hair. That should be kinda obvious.

"Celebration" mentions Anonymous. I wonder how they're going to react to that? Also it's like their most mainstream-sounding song ever.

I can guarantee you that Certain People I Could Name are going to post that "When Will You Die" makes them think of me. While that depresses me, I'm not letting it ruin the song for me. Not one of my favourites from the album, but still a solid song.

To exact Prevenge for "When Will You Die", I am reminded of That Person by "Never Knew Love". Because they p clearly have never known love. But um, let's not get into that again. I wasn't all that thrilled with this particular song; it doesn't really stand out. It's not bad though.

"The Lady and the Tiger" is TMBG attempting and succeeding at rap. When the tracklisting was first revealed I was crossing my fingers and hoping that this track was a re-titling of "No Answer". Sadly, it was not. But it's still a great song in its own right.

"2082" and "Three Might Be Duende" are both p much more old-school TMBG. The latter is probably my favourite track from Join Us. Also of note is that a duende is basically a specific type of goblin in Mexican mythology. I was not aware Mexico had mythology before. Well, except for El Chupacabra. Turns out they do. I wonder if it's really a march like the lyrics claim?

As a whole, Join Us seems to be mostly straghtforward alt-rock. It also seems to have a lot of added studio effects, much like Flood and Mink Car. Also Join Us seems to have a lot of "Beatles stereo" like they did with "(She Thinks She's) Edith Head" and "Robot PArade (Adult Version)". While I'd prefer they stick to simple, raw sounds, they're still TMBG and they can do whatever and it'll still be amazing. I'm also glad to witness the return of the accordion after their last adult album, The Else, lacked it completely. Keep up the good work, They!

PS - This may just be my CD (I hope not considering it's brand new), but I keep hearing a lot of clicks/pops. I actually investigated one of them. At like 1:16 in "You Probably Get That a Lot" there's one, so I tried ripping it again. And it was still there. So I dunno. I also think I heard some on "Canajoharie" and "Three Might Be Duende". Maybe more. Idk, hopefully it's in the actual songs.

Part One: Home Life

'Sup gais. So, okay, I typed up three different LJ entry drafts during the month I've been offline. I'mma post them all in a three-part series entitled "Stuff That Happened During the Month I've Been Online: The Trilogy". Part One: "Home Life", Part Two: "More Emo Whining", Part Three: "'Join Us' Review". This is part one. LJ Cut time! Note that paragraph four (this one here, outside of the Cut, is included in that count) is disturbing. Skip that one if you don't want to hear aboot weird fetishes. I'm considering using that disclaimer from now on. Y'know, in light of the *chan thing. I dunno though, seems like a pain to have to do it every time I post disturbing things. Because I post a lot of disturbing things. But uh, LJ Cut time!


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I really need a laptop.

Welp, I go home tomorrow but since I was told to finish my stuff up TODAY, I assume I go home early enough in the day that I won't have computer time. So yeah, gotta figure out what I'mma do to keep in contact with peeps mad fast. My phone's still out of minutes, so I won't even have Twitter until I can make some money. Which may be a problem. Joyce has had work for me to do (painting her garage and cleaning her basement) for like a month now, but every time I ask her when I can come over to do it, she just says she'll let me know. And then she never does. I think she's mad at me aboot the whole... Internet people calling Mom thing. Pfft, as if that was MY fault. *eyeroll*

Also, even if I do manage to make some money, I'll have to save aboot $20 of it for when Join Us comes out next month. Meaning I'll need to make at least $40. And even that's just for the cheapest minute card that only lasts me a couple of days. So I dunno what I'm gonna do. If I had a laptop, I wouldn't even have to worry about tweeting from my phone since I could have actual Internet access. For free. By mooching off of wi-fi. Is there a way to get a free laptop or something? Or even like a netbook or something...


I've been trying to keep Anna things off of my LJ but I no longer have access to the place I was channeling it all into because of the jerk channers taking over most of my accounts, so I kinda have to put it here. Sorry. If you're one of the people trying to stay out of it, just ignore this post.


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